A loved one kills themselves, God forbid, or even tries to kill themselves. What? How? Really? Wow. These are the initial reactions when the news is received. Then comes the anger. The questions are often left unanswered. The emotions are left raw and unresolved.
More people kill themselves in America every year then die by homicide, war, and terrorism…COMBINED. Yet, only celebrity suicides make the news, which is perhaps the worst aspect because these cases only prompt copycats. Nonetheless, most suicides don’t make the news, but every murder does. To add to the taboo, families will often never tell even extended family members the true cause of death. Silence becomes both the rule and the problem.
Family members, left to deal with the pain of the suicide and the memories of the loved one, often who died all too young, then become at an increases risk for suicide themselves, especially if the person who completed the suicide was their parent. The pain on the part of the individual is unimaginable to most. So, too, is the pain of the family and friends afterwards. But, silence remains the rule, even if they survive the attempt, the social stigma associated with that word makes it unimaginable to discuss the event. Silence, however, in this case, is not golden. After all, it is not the movies, and this is not an act. It is the end of a human’s life.
Just a few days ago, a client came into my office in tears. A friend had killed himself three days earlier. She had just found out because the family did not tell any of the friends. There was no article in the newspaper or online. There wasn’t even a published obituary. Perhaps her family blamed the friends. Perhaps he blamed his family for his issues. Perhaps this could have been prevented. We will never know, because nobody will talk about it. That is the problem, not the solution. But, my client talked with me. She cried. She felt angry.
And this is the typical response. Anger, if not, rage, which stems from the fear of the unknown. Perhaps. Maybe. Just maybe, if we talked about it more and took the topic of suicide out if the realm of taboo, we would not be so scared. We would have more knowledge about the topic, and those hurting, either prior to their own attempt, or after the attempt of a loved one, would be able to speak openly. With knowledge comes power, and with conversion comes knowledge. This knowledge could help prevent what has been called the most preventable form of death, suicide.
This coming week I will be teaching a group of college counselors a suicide prevention technique called QPR, a method written by Dr. Paul Quinett, author of two books on suicide, its realities, and its prevention. However, even in the days preceding the teaching of this course, this author’s immediate circle is not immune to the reality of suicide, as someone he cares about is currently in the hospital after surviving a suicide attempt. Thoughts and prayers go out to him, his family, and the families of those who attempt and complete suicide every day.
Just on the time it took to wrote this short article on my smart phone, at least two people have completed a suicide here in the United States, as someone completes their suicide attempt every 16 minutes.
Break the taboo. Ask the question. It could save a life.
If you or someone you know is showing signs of being suicidal, please use the below resources to get help!
Suicide Prevention Resources:
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ http://www.suicideprevention.nebraska.edu/ http://www.qprinstitute.com/
Ryan Paul Carruthers is the Owner and Executive Director of Abintra Counseling Center, is a licensed addictions counselor, and a certified QPR gatekeeper trainer. For more information on this topic and many others, or to have Ryan come speak to a group, please visit his website: www.abintracenter.com.
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